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Raising Triplets— the Money Questions
You are having multiples — what are you going to do about money?
Image from Pickpik Finding out you are going to have multiples can create many anxieties.
There are feelings related to the pregnancy itself — joy, expectation, and apprehension.
They will be compounded by worries about babies’ health — you will be informed by doctors early on about the risks of multiple pregnancies and premature birth complications.
And on top of it all, the financial worry can be overwhelming. How much money will we need? What will it cost to raise multiples? How will you be able to support a big family?
My difficult pregnancy with our triplets fell at the time of the great financial crisis of 2008. Talk about timing! Stocks were crashing, companies were going bankrupt, and the news anchors with unsmiling faces were talking about job losses and recession.
We already had one child and were expanding to four in a few months.
With the world financial crisis in the background, we had to focus on surviving the next few years.
How did we do it?
Consciously or not, we followed the advice of the Serenity Prayer:
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference. — Reinhold NiebuhrThe recession was among the things we could not change.
It was happening, whether we were freaking out or not. In a way, expecting triplets took our minds off many other things including the stock market turbulence. There is only so much space in your head for all the worries!
We focused on things we could change.
Review family finances and start budgeting
Yes, spreadsheets and numbers are necessary. Your expenses change drastically, your income may take a significant dip when taking paternity leaves, and you may need to move.
It’s all about a good system and discipline:
- Start budgeting and financial forecasting immediately, if you weren’t in the habit before. Later, you may be too busy.
- If you are not used to discussing finances, learn. No advisor will be as invested in your financial survival as you.
- Create a system you can follow, and then follow it. You need it for many years to come. After diapers, there will be activities, summer camps, braces, and college applications.
Reassess employment
The decision on whether both partners will continue working after the birth of multiples will vary from family to family. It will depend on many factors:
- Your career and whether you like your job.
- Whether you have extended family to help you.
- The impact of a second income on your financial survival.
- Childcare availability and affordability.
- Babies’ health and any issues you need to deal with in the first few months.
It will, of course, depend on the country you live in.
In Canada, we have good job protection for the duration of maternity leave. It gave me the opportunity to stay home with my triplets for a year knowing that my job will be waiting for me.
If you are in the same position, it means you can postpone your career decision until later, which can be a big relief.
In our case, I went back to work after my maternity leave. We are first-generation immigrants without any extended family to fall back on in case of hard times. We could only rely on ourselves and needed two incomes.
For someone else, it might mean a decision for one partner to stay at home. In either case, make this decision based on good information and analysis of all options.
Research how to save money
We both came from frugal backgrounds, but as I discovered, there is no limit to thriftiness.
As I went on bedrest at five months pregnant, I spent most of my time reading and making notes. I read about thrifty living, money-saving strategies, and making things at home instead of buying them.
This is when I discovered The Tightwad Gazette by Amy Dacyczyn which opened my eyes to a whole new level of thriftiness I didn’t even know existed.
Cover image from Goodreads While I didn’t follow all of Amy’s advice (it is a thick, hefty book), it taught me a few important lessons:
- Being creative can save you a lot of money.
- Frugality starts with getting your priorities straight.
- Reusing and recycling things is not just about saving money, it’s about caring for the environment.
The manufacturing of most goods harms the environment in one way or another. The culprit is not the factory, but it is we who buy what it produces. Therefore we should think carefully about items we purchase. — Amy Dacyczyn
Change your mindset about money
Focusing on making money can overtake our lives to the point of forgetting what do we live for.
When you have to live on less, you have a choice to change your attitude — or be miserable.
My guide on this particular journey was another book, Your Money or Your Life by Joe Dominguez and Vicki Robin.
Cover image from Goodreads If you haven’t read it — give it a chance.
The key is remembering that anything you buy and don’t use, anything you throw away, anything you consume and don’t enjoy is money down the drain, wasting your life energy and wasting the finite resources of the planet. ― Vicki Robin, Your Money or Your Life
Accept help
Our friends were a huge support to us during these early years.
They collected and passed on to us paraphernalia of baby things and equipment, so we had to buy much less for the first couple of years.
They sent us gifts of diaper boxes and banana bread and checked on us regularly.
They organized extra cribs, car seats, and strollers.
They rallied when we needed help with moving to our new place.
A volunteer came by once a week to help for a couple of hours. While it was only a couple of hours, it was such a needed relief.
We accepted all the help with gratitude — every little bit was welcome.
Know that you can do it
Yes, those first few years were endlessly exhausting and money-pinching. We didn’t go out and didn’t travel.
Yet here we are, fourteen years later, working, travelling, and even occasionally going out again.
I will tell you more about how we did it, and will be happy to hear about your experience!
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Raising Triplets — From the Beginning
Stories of extreme motherhood
Image from Pickpik When we first found out we were having triplets, we felt many things. That included an initial shock, worry about pregnancy and babies’ health, and concerns about money.
To sum it up, we were intimidated by the future, by what was coming.
There is an old saying, that while your head is scared, your feet keep going. And this is what happened.
We were scared while every day brought us nearer to having three more children (we already had one).
We worried about money, and it became a topic we discussed regularly, with a calculator, pen and paper in hand.
We kept putting one foot in front of another. This was a major multi-year project, and there was not a minute to waste.
Each of us gravitated to what we were best at.
I read a lot of books about frugal leaving, borrowing them from the library instead of buying them. I made notes and wrote ideas into a notebook started to help us get through the next few years of life with a much larger family.
My husband created spreadsheets and financial models. We poured over them to get a clear view of our finances and plan how not to go bankrupt.
My pregnancy was both short and long. I started to feel it early, and my first trimester was difficult. I worked from home a lot.
My second trimester felt like the third. I returned to the office for a few weeks as I needed to stay employed to get my maternity benefits.
By five months, it took me twice as long to walk to the bus stop. Soon after, I looked like I was about to deliver, and I had to go on bed rest.
I spent a few more weeks at home in bed, and then in a hospital. Everyone was telling us to rest as much as possible because there will be no rest for a few years to come. They were so right…
Our babies, like most triplets, were born prematurely at seven months.
Life was a whirl since then.
Once in a while, as I regaled yet another crazy or funny story from our family life, someone would say: you should write a book about it.
Should I? I don’t know yet.
Could I? Life was too crazy to concentrate on writing, too frazzled. It constantly felt like a mud race: there is no finish line in sight, and the obstacles keep coming.
In the meantime, here I am writing about it all, one post at a time, with a few goals in mind:
- Keep writing and get better at it.
- Share my story.
- Feel young again.
If you can relate to these stories — let’s connect.
If you felt the same monumental tiredness and desperation to get through the tough early years with several small children (whether they were born at the same time or one after another) — you are not alone, I understand how you feel.
If you are now where I was a few years ago — I hope reading these posts can give you a few ideas about surviving another day, month, and year.
And if you want to feel young again as your children grow up — let’s exchange experiences.
We can feel young again, and we deserve it!
Kua Lina writes 